You Are My Strength…You Are My Weakness

You Are My Strength…You Are My Weakness…

…it is at that moment when the journey of worries, hopes, and prayers started. It is that moment that redefined me as a person.  I was no longer the child that grew up in war or the young adult that moved to a new country with just $40 in her pocket or the woman that shattered every stereotype in a male dominated field.  I no longer had personal goals, ambitions, or plans… It is at that moment that I became a mother, the mother of a child with a lifelong disability.

I remember my heart aching to no end.  A pain that can’t be compared to any other… it’s not the one of a heartbroken teenager or of a disappointed child.  The pain was so deep that it put everything around it in perspective.  It channeled every bit of energy towards One Purpose, One Thought, One Love.

Here I am 3 years later wondering – what are you going to be like little baby girl?

Are you going to be determined to make an impact on this planet?  Are you going to love deeply and fight strongly for what you believe in?  Are you going to be fair and stand for justice at any price?  Are you going to share what you have with those in need?  Are you going to be a shoulder friends can depend on?

I love you and accept you no matter what… I will always be your mama; close when you want me to be and distant as you need me to be… I will watch over you and do everything I can to raise you into a strong, smart, independent, and capable woman; a woman who knows right from wrong; a woman that will leave this planet a better place than when she entered it… that, baby girl, I promise you!

Nothing changes who you are.  I appreciate every little bit you do or try to do.

Around you my heart is so fulfilled.  But then… I’m alone and my thoughts start chasing through how unplanned this journey has been and I cannot help this rush of emotions that take over…

You are my strength… you are my weakness…What if I am not around, are you going to be okay??

For a beautiful photographic series on mothers and children with special needs, check out Defined By Our Hearts by Natalie McCain. 

Editor’s Note:  We LOVE Carole’s heartfelt letter to her daughter!  If you would like to share your thoughts about parenting your son or daughter with a disability or special health care need with our group, we would love to read them!  You can email a blog submission to:  rwalbertp2p@abilityconnectioncolorado.org. 

We help with editing, formatting and finding pictures for your writing! 

Are You Connected?  Join Parent to Parent of Colorado and we’ll connect you with other families of sons and daughters with disabilities and special health care needs.  We provide information, emotional support and more!

Our blog author, Carole Bakhos says, “The moment our daughter was born and rushed into the ICU, all my identities morphed into one… the mother of a sick child. Our journey with Yara helped us reach parts of ourselves we didn’t have to tap into before. We have experienced deep sorrows of the unknown future and intense happiness for every little accomplishment. Our perspectives have changed and none of the world’s troubles matter anymore. She is strong, happy, and healthy and she handles herself with such great self-confidence. We are so proud of everything she is and thankful that she has helped us become better people.” Carole, her husband, and daughter Yara, moved to Colorado last year and Carole immediately sought support from Parent to Parent of Colorado. Carole jumped in to become the newest member of our P2P Advisory Board in October 2016.